Human beings are used to several bad habits. One of which is the tendency to lie. The habit may not sound so serious, but the after effects of this bad habit is not a small matter to neglect as such.
Whilst it is quite common for people to lie at times to escape from a punishment or anything like that, but there are cases when people lie in a recursive manner or they might lie always. This is often referred to as compulsive lying. [refer PokDeng’s article “Menipu, Ditipu, Tertipu …..]
Compulsive lying starts when people lie for each and everything. They get a feeling that a lie can always protect them. Therefore, even in cases where the truth can actually help them, they still prefer to lie. Thus they wont say the truth in any case. Hence, compulsive liars are born.
Compulsive lying may eventually develop into a disease. The most interesting fact about compulsive liars is the liar himself/herself doesnt know (or pretend not to know) why he/she must lie. Such a habit makes others lose the trust. There will be hatred and revenge. Friends and companions will start to recognize his/her lies and keep their distant.
Why do people lie? Maybe to get attention. Maybe to get others to like or love them. But at the end of the day, the lies still didnt make them any happier. Why? Because nobody trusts them anymore.
Liars lie because they want to, and they know they have the ability to fabricate lies. Over time, if not cured, they will be an expert in lying. They will become dependent on that bad habit. They think that lying gives them a feeling of control over others or a situation. They assume they will not be able to control a person or situation if they dont lie.
Let us remember that lying is a choice and therefore, liars can choose to change themselves. Lying is bad for any kind of relationship – may it be among family members, friends & colleagues or even among lovers.
Some simple steps to help one stop the bad habit of lying :-
- Repent. You will not be able to stop lying if you uphold your ego and wont admit not even to yourself that you have lied. Staying in a denial state of mind, only prolongs pain and regrets, which will make you unhappy with yourself, and sour your relationship with others. Therefore – admit, apologize and accept the responsibility for having lied to others.
- Ask yourself “Why did I lie?”. Did lying to your family, friends and lover make you a better and powerful person? Try recalling the consequences. If your credibility and self respect was badly affected, do not put the blame on others. It was the consequences of your own doing. People react to our actions, so its not merely their fault if they created a scene. They were provoked by your lies.
- Learn and improve yourself from your past mistakes when you lied. It is more important to think of how to re-gain trust and credility that was damaged, rather than to try and perfect the lies.
- Re-cap past lies and bad behaviours to improve your present and your future. I read somewhere “If life is worth living, it is worth recording”. You may not remember what you had lied about, but the people you lied to, remembers every single word and phrase.
- Be an effective risk taker because progresses in life is going to involve risks, whether you like it or not. Actually those obstacles make us a better person (yeah huh! tell me about obstacles, odds and adversities and I’ll need 1,001 nites to dictate all that my kids and I have gone through in life …. praises to AlMighty Allah!)
Lets start taking these actions. Control your mind. Align your intentions (betulkan nawaitu). You will be amazed that not only will you stop your lying habit, but also other bad habits that you had intended to pursue earlier. Work towards gaining back others’ trust. Be a new person, well loved and respected by your family, friends and colleagues.