The Art of Compromise

Many people mistake the act of compromise as selling-out or giving in. Compromise to them means giving up something. In actuality if you stay true to the real definition of compromise you will gain a relationship free of petty battles. You will learn how to co-exist in a loving and appreciative way.

So, what does compromise actually mean? According to Webster’s Revised Unabridged Dictionary it means, “A settlement…by mutual consent reached by concession on both sides…” The key words here are mutual consent. It can’t be a true compromise if one partner doesn’t feel it is mutual. The act of compromise by definition indicates that both partners take an active role in finding a solution. This cannot be done if one or both partners are self-centered.

It may be a good idea to let your partner know ahead of time that you have some ideas about a certain situation, and you’d like their insight and help with it. This can help set the tone for positive, non-accusatory discussions. Agree beforehand that if at any time either partner feels angry or upset about the issue you can come back and talk about it at a later date. Do not avoid or deny when your integrity is being questioned. It only worsens it.

Depending on who goes first, decide what possible outcomes or solutions would be acceptable to you. Take a look at it from your partner’s viewpoints and decide if these solutions would be fair to them. What do you feel your partner wants from the situation? Revise your outcomes or solutions around what would still be acceptable to you, but also accounts for your partner’s best interests (tapi jgn la pulak konon-konon being supportive and open minded to yr spouse or so-called loved one, simply to ensure that dia bagi time and space so that you can buat kerja tak senonoh hehehe).

Solutions to your problems will vary.  A compromise should be considered a promise. You don’t want to have one partner following through with their promises, and the other lagging behind. That will only create a relationship filled with resentment.

Compromise is a way of helping each other find a solution that benefits both people. It is a settlement of differences between opposing sides in which each side makes concessions.  You both have to respect each other and talk out the situation in full detail, what may be like common sense to you, may not be to the other party. Tapi, in cases where betrayal, lying and cheating is concerned, no excuse is acceptable coz yang itu penyakit jiwa akibat dah terlalu biasa membohong, menipu and menjerumuskan diri dalam keinginan nafsu yang bukan-bukan. Show love, empathy and respect if you are looking for harmony. But if you are simply looking for part-time lust enhancer(s), then watch the truth unfold itself (dgn izin Allah of course) and how its consequences show negative impacts on your loved ones (spouse and children) – na’uzubillah dijauhkanlah. 

Above all – JUST STOP LYING and PRETENDING. Your credibility and integrity is at stake here dude! Whereever you went, and whoever you had flirted and invited to spend the so-called lonely nights (if it had ever happened) with could probably dah diketahui ramai.  When we lie and cheat, yang rugi bukan orang yang kena tipu, tapi orang yang menipu yang rugi besar. Think about your kids at the very least, kalau sekali pun you are not happy with your spouse (another staged act or what?). Many have detected your lies by now ….. isnt it bold how some people can still smile and continue flirting despite ramai orang dah sense perangai buruk dia? We cant stop others from discussing about it, but we can definitely refrain diri kita sendiri to stop kemungkaran, and berubah demi kebaikan, simultenously, people will stop commenting. Kalau nak berkawan pun, cari lah sahabat yang membina peribadi mulia, bukan yang ajak kita buat maksiat berpanjangan. Nasihat-menasihati – amalan mulia.

To all my lady friends yang lonely (like me) and genuinely looking for a soulmate (if Allah permits), hati-hati lah, yg mana yg dah ada laki tu, jaga lah laki korang baik-baik, banyakkan beristighfar and seek Allah’s guidance always ……. anyway, yesterday’s “Santai Bersama Members MySpace & TAGGED” gathering was a GREAT one! I had fun as ad-hoc MC and entertainer hehehe , hope you ladies enjoyed yourselves too! (pictures will be posted once I rec’d them from Fire’s Photobucket tau). Next gathering will be a “Buka Puasa” bash, date and venue will be notified in due course. Check out your bulletins ladies! My son, Qayyum said “Mama, your concern over others sometimes land you in trouble. Mama niat baik, tapi orang take advantage of you”

My reply – “I am not perfect yes, noone is, but it is wrong to take advantage of one’s weaknesses. Hence, my faith in Allah strengthens me each time failures or obstacles greet my life …..” – (last few paras macam tak kena je dgn topic article nih hehehe mcm dah terpesong hahahaha ….. that shows I wrote from the bottom of my heart hehehe  ie GERAM bila diri & kawan2 kena tipu!)

Wallahualam ….

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