We hear a lot about ethics. Many professions have their own “code of ethics” in which they follow. While other professions are labeled as just plain unethical. In all of these professions there is a confusion as to what really is ethical and unethical behavior. In fact, every single one of us is faced with a multitude of ethical decisions every day, especially in our relationships.
Why is this so important? Well, basically, the decisions we make now effect our entire future. Not only our future, but our partner’s and our children’s future also. The choices we make every single day, effect the future of everyone around us. Let’s say we are at work or online and there is a beautiful or handsome personnel flirting with us. We start having fantasies about them and thinking about them. This fantasy goes so far that we even think about them when we are in bed with our partner. Now technically we have not done anything wrong. We have not actually slept with this person and we have done nothing that can be proved in any court of law. Basically we can argue that there is nothing wrong with a little fantasy. We can even argue that it enhanced our relationship with our partner and made things more exciting. Well, let me ask you a couple of things. If it was so right, then why do we have to spend so much time telling ourselves that it was right? Also, why didn’t we tell your partner about it? I am sure they would be thrilled to know that we have found something that makes both of our lives better! The fact of the matter is that if we would not like it if it was done to us, (betul tak?) or if it would have a detrimental effect on our relationship if our partner found out about it, then it is wrong (pulak)!! It does not matter whether, in the case of cyber-affairs, it was real or not. If what you are doing fails those two questions, then it is wrong. End of story.
So, what is the big deal about all this? Basically, when you did something wrong, it is human nature to justify what you did. If you have an affair with other women, suddenly, it becomes your partner’s fault (???). You find excuses for what you have done. It doesn’t even really matter what the excuses were. I am sure you can come up with a whole host of excuses for someone having an affair right off the top of your head. The fact is that you can make excuses for something to the point that you actually believe them (I have many classic examples saved …. sigh). It is these justifications that will end up destroying your relationship (kalau tak sedar sedar jugak, tak tau lah nak kata apa lagi).
In conclusion I will leave you with these thoughts. What is right and wrong is a personal choice. Yes, true. What is right for you may be wrong for your partner. Whenever you make a decision that will affect your relationship, ask yourself these two questions:
- Do you have to convince yourself it is right?
- Would your partner be upset if they found out about it?
If it fails that test, then don’t do it. You will be a lot happier in the long run.
PS – the person who wrote this article was cheated on. Ponder this, I contend that the basis of a marriage or genuine relationship should not simply be just SEX, unless you like to argue then I rest my case. Sex pure and simple cannot exist in a given length of time without any emotion involved. Hence, Be Ethical in your Emotional Attachment. Be honest with yourself first, only then you can be honest with your spouse or partner.