The One I Love or The One Who Loves Me

 

The one who loves you, or The one you love …..

Its almost 2am. I have just finished going through the documents for tomorrow. Lite & Easy FM in the background. Performed my solat isya’ too. Gonna rule Slumberland shortly. This is the hour where my mind’s usually at its best ………

Sometimes, in our relentless efforts to find the person we love, we fail to recognize and appreciate the people who love us. We miss out on so many beautiful things and simply because we allow ourselves to be enslaved by our own selfish concerns.

 

Should I go for the person of deeds and not for the one of merely just words to impress me? Or will I find rewarding happiness with the one I love, or with the one whom loves me more?

 

My analytical but sometimes stupid thinking mind summarizes this :-

The best lovers are those who are capable of loving from a distance, far enough to allow the other person to grow, but never too far to feel the love deep within my being.

 

To let go of someone doesn’t mean I have to stop loving, it only means that I allow that person to find his own happiness without expecting him to come back. There is no point pursuing if he is no longer keen to rekindle the passion he once have for me. Instead he displays his care, love and affection towards others right under my nose. Wasnt he sensitive enough? Letting go is not just setting the other person free but probably it is also setting myself free from all bitterness, hatred, and anger that’s bottling up within me.

 

A year has passed. I shouldnt let the bitterness rare away my strength and weaken my faith, and never will I allow pain to dishearten me. But rather, I will let myself grow with wisdom in bearing it. Who knows, I may find

peace in just loving someone from a distance. Not expecting anything in return (though it hurts. Truly does). I have to be careful, be very very careful, though life’s sustainable, it may never give enough room for me to grow. Can I survive with just beautiful memories of the past? Maybe I can. Maybe not. Apa-apa pun, the real peace and happiness will exist only with open acceptance of what reality is. Reality is, I am no longer his priority.

 

Sigh.

There will come times in our lives where we chance upon someone so nice and beautiful and we just find ourselves getting so intensely attracted to that person. This feeling soon becomes a part of our everyday lives and eventually consumes our thoughts and actions.

 

Others are lucky to have an actual fairy tale unfold in their lives, when they find that this is the significant other they’ve long been waiting for… can’t thank Allah enough if it truly happens.

 

However, for some, the sad part of it is when we begin to realize that this person feels nothing more to us than just a part-timer ….. to fill in his loneliness at a certain particular time only. When he has found another, and another, and another, we are left in the dark, to identify the jigsaws and try to complete the puzzle.

I need the kind of RELATIONSHIP that will last a LIFETIME!!!

We start our desperate attempt to get noticed and be closer again like it used to be, but in the end our efforts

are still ignored and we end up being sorry for ourselves.

 

I cant and don’t have to forget someone I loved so dearly.

What I need to learn is how to accept the verdict of reality without being bitter or sorry for myself. But then again, I am only human. Prone to vulnerablity.

 

I know, I would be better off giving that dedication. Easier said than done. Yes I know, I cant and should not let my heart run my life. Be sensible. Let my mind speak for itself. Listen not only to my feelings, but to reason as well.

 

I always try to remember that if I lose someone today, it means that Allah is testing me again. Preparing me for something better. Or preparing me for another of life’s challenges. If I lose love that doesn’t mean that I have failed in love. It may only mean that Allah wants me to spend more time on life’s other crucials. My kids perhaps. My future perhaps. For only I know, all the pain, odds, turbulances, mishaps that my kids and I have survived miraculously. Cry, if I have to, hoping that the tears will wash away the hurt and the bitterness.

If I let go of yesterday, will love find its way back tome again?

 

And when it does, will it last a lifetime?

I’ll pray. I’ll pray that it will stay and last a lifetime.

 

If I lost you, I was the one who loved you most, but between us you lost more. For someday, Allah may open up my heart to love someone the way I love you, but you may never be loved again by anyone else, the way I did. So let our love stay. Let it last forever.”

 

5 Responses

  1. Very deep, introspective and true. You will undoubtedly find that one person who you can be loved by with the same intensity as you can love. You move forward, like a river, while he stagnates in the here and now.

    Peace my friend

  2. Thanks sis🙂 we’re all here to protect, motivate and support each other I suppose ….. Hugz!

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  4. Your post is def. something that i needed in my life…i felt like you were speaking directly to me and i thank you so much for your words for you dont know how deeply they meant to me

  5. I am merely archiving my life’s episodes as they happen. Sometimes we all experience similarly no matter which part of the globe we stand; just unsure of the right words to describe them.
    A True friend is one that’ll stand by us at times we need him/her most …. friends for laughs and fun? They are everywhere my friend …

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