In a world where love can be as elusive as affordable housing, Sex And The City gave some kind of perspective, validation, and reminders of the core lessons of love–sometimes in spite of itself, sometimes in the scripts. With the ladies hitting the big screen, here’s a bit of what I’ve learned, or remembered.
- Single is not a dirty word. Singledoom is cool, even when it hurts. Single life is just as valid as the married. We deserve as many gifts and even blessings from our friends and society, regardless of what others might think of our struggles and choices.
- Women talked about sex among their girlfriends even before SATC was aired. This seems especially true when it comes to discussing sex-related stress sometimes. By discussing it with our girlfriends, it feels as if a burden was lifted, even for those of us who were raised not to be so open about sex talks.
- Fate is not always Fate? It’s so tempting to interpret the tea leaves of love, to decide that fate is (finally) working in our favor. To know if he is the guy to live out our “marry tale” with. We don’t know how our plans against Allah’s works, and just because it seems like synchronicity, it doesn’t mean the dude wants to marry us, though he made it sound so convincing. Another lesson better remembered than re-experienced.
- Sometimes to be REAL, we have to get UGLY, roaring with fangs and all. Especially when we smell that he is “faking” it all. Then again, depending on an individual’s stand and prinsciple I guess.
- Be vulnerable. I have also learned that strength is also about opening up and trusting.
- Its okay to be childlike, but not childish! Please!
- Knowing when to let go (I hate this one). In Sex And The City, they made it seemed so liberated. But of course in real life, sadly, it’s not always so simple. Through this and countless other moments, the show taught us that letting go is never easy–even when he’s “not into you”–but that if you don’t walk away when you know you should, only misery, over-analysis, and disappointment awaits (sigh).
- Many of us tend to ignore the “signs of doom” and keep on hoping. Sometimes it is important not to ignore those persistent yet subtle doubts – no matter how much we want something to work out.
- Knowing when to hold out for what from whom and when to embrace what you have.
- Love beyond yourself – The girls in Sex And The City, and most of us, are at our best when we give and extend ourselves to others.
The entire show is about the consistency of friendship. They fight, work it out, offer support, drive each other nuts, and always come back together. We should all remember to treat our friends like the primary love providers they can be, even when we’re in deep, central union with our boyfriend/spouse.
No matter what happens, always come home to yourself.
It’s so easy for us, the women especially to lose our identity in romantic relationships–we tend to merge with our lovers, sometimes dropping our own “names” in the process.
The series ends with these words from Carrie, after she has gone back home to New York, to herself, her friends, and her Big love: “…the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous.”