Whether you realise it or not, there is a profound spiritual meaning in the silence and stillness of our solitude. Whether young or old, alone or with a partner, we can use solitude to guide us towards inner freedom (orang tua tua kata “bertapa”).
BUT it can only happen if we embrace solitude for what it is ; a creatively and life-altering experience. We learn to contemplate those things we wish to pursue to make ourselves whole. Thats when we begin to listen to what our own voice is telling us and move according to our desired rythms.
With newly found self awareness within myself, no matter how much pain he had caused me to bear, I am now slowly able to change my perspectives, step out of my old ways, to live and to love, fully and creatively. Gradually, as I befriend solitude, rather than flee from it, I begin to hear the voices of my own authentic self.
But somehow, to be in total solitude takes a lot of patience which allows me to stay in the present state in order to reflect on myself and make the right changes. I took time to rest, restore and reflect, then I start to listen to myself ensuring that ONLY positive changes takes place.
Like in fairy tales, where a princess is given the task of sorting things before she can start her new life, similarly, solitude gives me the opportunity to sort, diffferentiate and separate between my “old” voices to “new” ones, narrated stories about myself (in this blog in particular), that despite being abused, pushed around, ignored, deeply hurt and emotionally wounded, the “new” voices reassures me convincingly about what my life desires and how to achieve it.
Initially, all sorts of raw emotions stirred me up – fear, anger, frustration, shame and even guilt. Only later I sensed that solitude taught me to pay attention to small moments (not important to some of us though) of wonder and of joy like the singing of a bird on a tree, or feeling the breeze across my face as I stood at my room balcony in the quietness of the nights, to which I soon realize that they were actually the most precious moments in my life.
But most of all, I always make time for self-blessings. Of all blessings, the deepest being the one that I bestow on myself. Letting myself breathe deeply and quietly, I seek endless blessings from AlMighty Allah through prayers, Quran recites and meditations in order to gain a sense of MY OWN LOVELINESS.
Stepping out – a movement beyond whatever steps I have taken before. Solitude however, is a dynamic state that, in time, shall lead me to where I want to be. Who knows, suddenly, without knowing exactly how or why I will find myself ready to react in ways I thought I could never before! Insha’allah.
Solitude also had taught me that I am both alone and all one. As I grew stronger in myself, I found that I have more to give and share with others – with children especially, the younger generation, my friends, my family, loved one (if he still cared that is). Insh’allah, I do want to spend time, whenever I have the opportunity, with those who felt they have been deprived of love unfairly (like me) and help them go through those difficult moments to help them change and rebuild their confidence.
A poem dedicated to those who have achieved everything in life, yet something is missing :-
Aloneness is neutral
To be alone is simply to be at a distance –
whether in the bathroom, or in a crowded cafe,
Loneliness is negative,
To be lonely is to dislike being alone.
But to be alone, or to live alone,
is not necessarily something to dread,
for SOLITUDE is positive.
To be ignored or in solitary is not to exclude or be excluded,
It is to be aware,
that we can never be separated from anyone,
It is to know at the deepest level,
What and who deserves love and be loved.