The author of Monogamy Myth said 60% of men and 40% of women will have an affair at some point in their marriage (ouch!). In other words, the person who stays monogamous within their marriage is among a growing minority.
I know I may not be in the position to be bragging about such a topic, but through lessons learnt from previous failures and experiences, I guess it doesnt hurt if I pen this for anyone who’d wanted to stay on the happy side of the statistics. Well, here are some tips that may help, insha’allah :-
1. NURTURE SAFE FRIENDSHIPS
This should be the most important affair-preventer! No marriage can give us everything. Sometimes we find husbands who have interests that wives will never care about like golfing, fishing, etc. And wives indulge themselves into things that doesnt interest the husbands. Then both should remain in the safe company of good and reliable friends. Not ones that will influence us to be unjust to our spouse.
2. RECOGNIZE THE DRUG
Depressives are especially prone to affairs because of the head rush that comes with infatuation. The spikes in dopemine and norepinephrine experienced upon connecting with someone new sometimes fools us into thinking that maybe the other attractive or sexy person holds the key to end our problems. Upon recognizing that that rush is not real, meaningful or lasting, and rather than giving the new person false hopes, just simply say “NO” to yourself right from the beginning. It is better to prevent always than to cure.
Seriously! Date your spouse regularly. Just the 2 of you. This will surely bring definite rewards to a marriage. By DATING your spouse, you will learn how to talk to each other again. Imagine yourselves as if you have just met each other, and capture the exotic, mating eagerness you once had. No kidtalk * No fighting * No flirting with other than your spouse * No whining or crying * No cellphones (switch off la) * No other interruptions
4. PRAY TOGETHER
Religion and faith (doesnt matter apa religion pun) will always ENCOURAGE families to pray together. I personally and strongly feel they should because parents are the ones who should set the good example and play the leading role. I cant help but hold on to my belief that the beautiful bond between a man and his woman is because it is blessed by Allah. Remember, a family that prays together, stays together.
5. FIND A CREATIVE OUTLET
People get lured into emotional and physical affairs because the infatuation provides an exciting, stimulating place where they are energized. Through my observations, the internet if not wisely manouvered by those who always have the desire to give oneself completely, shall pursues them and with little or no will-power to reject, pushes them into more distractions, illusionary love affairs, etc and THAT can easily shatter marriages. If so, then it is probably best to divert to other creative outlet/activity or better still, have it done with a sense of togetherness with your spouse.
Believe it or not, our friends influence us more than we think. In other words, if we hang around friends who thinks that there is nothing wrong with sleeping around with other mates, then we are likely to get influenced and prone to get ourselves involved into doing it. On the contrary, if we hang around friends who are committed to their marriages, we will less likely to cheat on our spouse (ayat bonus ni!).
7. LEARN TO HANDLE “GOOD” FIGHT (ini kes kalau dah terpaksa aarr)
This is my weak point (aaarrrgghhh). They always say, wait before saying something really ugly. Make sure you are not tired, hungry or stressed. Its a good idea to recognize a situation that may lead to accelerated arguments. But then again, when a ‘beyond reasonable doubt’ event takes place, which we know will eventually lead to an ugly scene of being questioned and having to create excuses to get away with, dont you think it was better we had not gotten involved in the first place? (memang pening and confuse ni) SO, here again, better avoid than cure. Better be sincere, true and share with your spouse rather than having to fabricate excuses later (kan settle macam tu hehehe).
This is the hardest part in most marriages – Listening. In most of my observations and conversations I have had with men and women who have had affairs explained to me that the main reason for them to pursue with an affair is because “My lover listens to me, my spouse doesnt”.
9. REMEMBER THESE TOOLS
A toolbox we may want to reconsider when tempted by an extramarital affair (dont know why I am such a kepohci hehehe):-
– Avoid or dont put ourselves in a threatening situation especially among friends who likes to flirt around;
– U’VE GOT MAIL – If we’re not certain whether such emails crosses the line, read it again and ask ourselves “Will I feel comfortable with my spouse about this?”;
– Talk about your spouse. Whenever a man finds himself alone with an attractive woman, or a woman in the presence of a good looking man, and starts to get uncomfortable, start talking about your spouse. It helps kill the mood for an affair (dont look at me, it’s supposed to work maaaa!).
So people, hope the above was a help, though I know everything else is about the will-power within us. Maknanya, if there is a will to avoid unpleasantness, there is always a way. On the contrary, if memang we want to cari pasal, then sendiri tanggung la hehehe (face the consequences arising thereon).
– Dib Mossavi’s mind when she cant sleep (its 3.30 am yikes!) –
Filed under: Life's Reason | Tagged: affair, divorce, ex husband, ex wife, family, flirting, happiness, husband, inspirational, Life's Diary, lover, married, motivational, philosophy, spouse, unpleasant, wife |